I was talking with a friend today. We were having this nice, empowering conversation, sharing ideas - and then we started analyzing another mutual acquaintance (already sound familiar?). Nothing terrible, but my friend astutely pointed out when our focus started slipping more toward the other person's shortcomings, and suggested we shift the discussion back to our own affairs. I, of course, being a (sometimes defensive!) Law of Attraction coach tried to validate the merits of our digression, saying there was no malice in our words - that we were just using the other person's behavior as a vehicle for learning. Thankfully, my friend wasn't completely buying in.
Talking about others is not the issue here by itself. People naturally come up in our thoughts and conversations, and it's entirely normal to reflect on them. The distinction arises in our tone of observation, in the way we feel. When we view others in kind, accepting, and complimentary light, good feelings are prevalent, and our vibrations are high. It's when we plunge into negativity and nit-picking that our vibrational levels take a turn south.
Unfortunately, killing off good feelings and high vibrations isn't difficult. It could start with something as 'harmless' as "Can you believe what that person is wearing?" And with that seemingly small judgment, the snowball is off and rolling. Law of Attraction plainly states 'Like attracts like.' So where there's one comment, there's usually one more, then another. Before you know it, that particular conversation - and likely many of your subsequent interactions - take on the low-vibrational tone of proving what's wrong with everyone else.
The need to compare is the real villain here. When you think or say something derogatory about another person, you're basically comparing yourself to them. What you're really saying is, "At least I'm not as bad as they are!" And in that moment, you create separation, vainly attempting to elevate yourself by diminishing another. You rise to the top by default, so to speak.
In reality though, up is not where you're heading. In fact, you're not moving anywhere at all. Comparing ourselves to others gives us a built-in excuse to stand still. By making ourselves appear better, we become convinced that we don't have to forward our own agendas (since we're already 'not as bad' as those people). It's a ticket to stagnation. Rather than focus on how WE could be growing, we shine a spotlight on exploited voids in another's life. Then, of course, we don't have to look to the one place which really matters - ourselves.
The good news is, like anything else, the lights can flip on at any moment. And just as my friend and I shifted our own thoughts and words to higher ground, so can you. In those moments when you find yourself magnetically diverting to finding fault and flaw with others, ask yourself this empowering question: "What does this say about ME?" Because if we're being completely honest, that's often the one place we don't dare look. What we find might not be the rosy picture we're venturing to paint. When we hold up the proverbial mirror, we are likely to discover we're no different from what we criticize in another.
The need to compare is born from a place of lack and reeks of insecurity. It assumes the position that one thing is better than another, and that our take on the world is 'correct' (remember a few newsletters back... there's no correct anything, just different ways of seeing the universe). And while invoking comparison may give us the facade of feeling better about ourselves - of feeling worthy - when you slice to the core, it accomplishes exactly the opposite.
So the next time you feel drawn to comparison, step back and consider where it's coming from. Instead of using others to leap-frog your status in life, take a stance for acceptance and understanding, recognizing that any perceived differences you have with another is merely their unique version of the world. Jockeying for position is a formula for dissatisfaction and emptiness. It's where the term 'rat-race' originates. You can leave all that behind for the more fulfilling world of compassion and co-creation. When you drop the need to compare, an entirely new path unfolds before your eyes. People begin to show up for you in ways you never thought possible. Your life flows more smoothly than ever before. This is what happens when you align with your highest potential. And this is what humanity was always meant to be. It's in your hands. You have the power to change the world.
Until next time...
With love,
-Jeff
Ask Coach Jeff...
Question: A romantic relationship I was in recently ended, and I can't get the person out of my head. I have limited our contact somewhat, but often find myself reminiscing, having feelings of jealousy, etc. When all's said and done, I'm left with being upset. How can I feel better about this?
W.M., -New Jersey
The Law of Attraction states simply 'What you give your attention to, you get more of.' When you reminisce with 'feelings of jealousy,' you come from a place of lack (i.e. I don't have that person in my life anymore), and it makes sense you would feel upset about it. So if you continue having those types of thoughts, guess what you're attracting into your life? More lack, and more upset feelings! I understand how difficult it can be to put someone out of your mind completely, but if you can do that, great (reducing 'limited' contact to NO contact may help here). This gives you no other choice than to think about something else - and if you make these new thoughts POSITIVE, you will attract positive events into your life. If you can't get the person completely out of mind (and no one would expect you to - random thoughts can and will pop into your head, especially if the relationship was important), just don't dwell on them. Deliberately focus on more high-vibration thoughts (such as wishing the person well, success/happiness/etc. With that small shift, you start to turn the tides in your favor. You begin to vibrate feelings of peace, gratitude, and genuine compassion for others. And when that happens, guess what you attract into your life - abundance! Try it and see what shows up for you.
-JTB
Send your questions to jeff@lifescaper.com
Jeffrey T. Brownstein is a Certified Empowerment Coach (CEC), specializing in Law of Attraction. He has Bachelor's degrees in English and Metaphysics, and is also a Certified Energy Healer, Holistic Health Consultant, Landmark Education graduate, and has been a Group Exercise Instructor for 13 years. Jeff currently resides in New Jersey, and is working on a book about harnessing the power of Law of Attraction.
Labels: attraction, friend, ideas, thoughts
¶ 4:36 AM 0 comments
Mona Loring, president of M. Loring Communications says, “Winning an audience is not just about being entertaining or informative. The individual must establish a charismatic bond with the host, the audience and the viewers. The outcome of the entire situation is largely psychological.”
Loring pointed out several ways an individual can assure a good interview when on the hot seat:
• You need to be yourself—and show genuine emotion. If you act phony, it is very likely to come through to the audience. If people see you as fake, you lose credibility and the publicity generated from the interview is deemed useless.
• Body language is huge. You cannot look too relaxed or stiff.
• Cross your legs at the knee and not the ankle.
• Eye contact is crucial when you are on television. It can get confusing when you’re around so many cameras, so you should always look into the eyes of the person you’re talking to at the moment.
• If you use gestures when speaking, practicing speaking while keeping your movements below your chest level. It is distracting to watch someone gesture to high up towards their face.
• If the discussion is boring, consider adding a bit of controversy in what you say. Be bold and take a position.
• Make sure that you know what you are taking about-- if you get stuck with a question you don’t have the answer to, lead into another subject by saying, “I am not too sure about that but I do know that…” Then lead into something you want to promote.
• Practice makes perfect. Go over some notes and speak out loud as often as you can about the subject to prepare for the interview.
• Thank them for having you. Yes, some people do forget!
Following these basic steps sufficiently is sure to improve an interview experience for the interviewee, interviewer and the viewer. Loring also said, “The public values your interviews. If they like you during that one interview, you can really win them over in the future. Interviews are a crucial element to public relations.”
Visit Mona Loring’s website at: www.monaloring.com for more useful PR advice.
Labels: audience, Interview, interview advice, interviewer
¶ 12:25 AM 0 comments
Furl It
